August 22, 1994: CARPE DIEM SUCKS

Dear Dominic,

I just received you first (out of many, you say?) letters.

No dice, buddy. Uh uh. There’s no way in hell I am going to lose you, my best friend whom I love so very much. There’s no way that I’m going to lose you to the devil. Sorry. That’s just not going to happen. You’ve got one feisty little chick over here in Seattle. Satan’s gonna have to do battle. Ok?

And you better believe that it’s Satan, Dominic, because it is. It really is. You’ve done so much for God with your life—high school, your friends, family, the way you treat other people. Satan knows that you’d be a powerful ally to God if/when you decide to give yourself fully to His blessed love.

First, I am going to tell you what I did today and yesterday. Dominic, I spent the night at my grandmother’s house in Port Orchard. There’s one thing you and I are going to do when you get back for Christmas: I’m going to personally take you to visit her. You’ll love her. And I’ve told her so much about you, Dom. I told her that you thought you were homosexual, and I had good reason. If there’s ever a time that I get depressed, confused, or whatever, I call her up. She loves God like you would ever dream of loving and trusting in Him. I told her about our conversation, and about what I said and advised you to do (of which she was 100% in support), and she vehemently warned me, “Oooooh, ‘M’! Don’t you dare, don’t you dare lose him to the devil! Uh uh! Fight him all the way. Oh, no. Don’t let him go!” And that’s what I intend to do. How, I don’t as yet know. Because I don’t want you to think I’m fanatic about this.

Because I believe this is a very serious, very real situation.  I hope you do, too, Dom, in the same way!  If you don’t–if you don’t believe that Satan is pulling your heart strings, well, my friend, he’s already won…

You’re confused, so you told me, so I heard, so I gathered from our conversation. I’m going to say what I said before, then: You are a very emotional young man—you love to experience emotion. The Wilde blurb fits you to a tee, my dear friend, and that’s the key: too much emotion is dangerous! Dangerous, because it draws you away from God, so that God no longer is #1. Your emotions become your top priority.

Before I go on, though, I want to ask you this again: Do you believe in God, as a personal being who loves you very much?  Do you believe in Jesus Christ who died on the cross for you to save your soul from eternal damnation (and it exists!)?  Do you believe in the Holy Spirit, the breath of God that grants us peace and joy?

Dom, I’m not going to pray that you’ll “go straight,” because I don’t believe you ever went “crooked.” I’m not saying this out of an unwillingness to admit anything, either. The feelings you experienced for Gary were very human. I’m not going to downplay them and say that you were imagining them. I’m looking at your words for what they’re worth—you needed to write them, and I’m so glad I was here to receive them! I’m so glad you’ve accepted me as your friend.  God brought you and me together, do you believe that?  Please tell me…

You need to look back on what you’ve grown up with: the faith that has been your foundation for the 21 years of your life.  With one change: the perspective…

The world, the Honors Program, your indulged emotions—all these tell you that it’s good to “keep an open mind,” to experience everything to its fullest. Carpe diem. Well, guess what, Dom? Carpe diem sucks. It’s crap. No, it can be, if the day isn’t seized for the glory of God. God first, my friend, then your will and intellect, then your emotions last.

The Honors Program at Seattle University opened up a whole new world for me of literature, philosophy, history, art.  I learned that there  were "more things in Heaven and Earth" than were "dreamt of in [my] philosophy."

The Honors Program at Seattle University opened up a whole new world for me of literature, philosophy, history, art. I learned that there were “more things in Heaven and Earth” than were “dreamt of in [my] philosophy.”

Do you want to continue being selfish and to feed yourself on your emotions in a state of confusion? Or will you replace yourself for/with God, selflessly and humbly? Right now, you have been doing the former, and that’s wrong and that’s a sin, my boy. Yes, it is. Commandment #1 is not a suggestion— in a state of confusion? Or will you replace yourself for/with God, selflessly and humbly? Right now, you have been doing the former, and that’s wrong and that’s a sin, my boy. Yes, it is. Commandment #1 is not a suggestion—you are no god. Off to confession, and please write and tell me why you didn’t go, if you decide not to. I’d certainly like to hear your excuse.

Oh, Dominic.  Your letter made sense to me, be reassured.  I only wish, sometimes, that I could be there with you…I agree with your friend that God gave you this experience–the feelings are not futile.  The feelings are the reason.  You can use this attraction for a purpose–a renewed knowledge that Satan’s power is a reality.  However, your feelings not being futile does not mean they are right.  If you don’t believe you’ve sinned, and if you don’t believe you’ve fallen into the trap of the New Age way of thinking, then stop reading… But your willingness to ‘glance’ at II Peter and James showed me that you want to get rid of this confusion with God’s help.  (I already advised you to see Fr. Roach, and I recommend it again.)  Our prayers exchanged and offered together over the phone are another reason.

My friend, I love you and you got me. To be honest, I thought I was in love with you at one point. But what did I know about that? I, who’d never had a kiss (gasp!). But I’m not going to be your savior—there’s only one guy for that. All I can do is give you love and encouragement and a few slaps now and then when you get nonsensical.

My good college friend Maggie, giving me the basics: on my birthday, but also in this letter.

My good college friend “M” giving me the basics: on my birthday, but also in this letter.

Sometimes you piss me off. And sometimes you make me laugh. I love your laugh. I love you. Write soon.

Love always,



3 thoughts on “August 22, 1994: CARPE DIEM SUCKS



    Dear Dominic,

    Thank you for your last letter. You did seem sort of ambiguous not he phone. (I thought maybe your mom was in the room.)

    First of all–“G”. All the stuff you described (especially going to the bank for any possible reason) reminded me of something I would do (and have done!).

    I’m glad you don’t take this wrong, but when I read your first letter, I was relieved. I always thought you were a little closed-minded about homosexuality. I never wanted to argue about it, because my opinions are just opinions–I’m glad you’re opening up to new definitions of “normal”!

    I was also a little–what’s the word?–jealous. It’s always kind of a jealous shock to see someone I dated with someone else. There’s no reason for it, of course, but I get a little twang in my stomach. I’m used to comparing myself to other WOMEN. This was a new experience.

    I’m rambling. In any case, I wish you luck in romance. It’s difficult to imagine myself attracted to a woman, but I also can’t imagine myself attracted to a plate of broccoli 🙂 I didn’t mean that to sound flippant–romance is serious stuff. In any case, I will leave this subject your supportive and relieved friend . . .

    Next topic–briefly–your mother. You are you! Moving away may help her appreciate that. Besides, you can still have a wedding someday. Hopefully she’ll come to understand. Above all, love your mother but respect yourself.





    August 6, 1994: GOD DID MAKE THEM

    I felt more comfortable on Broadway [main street near Seattle University] last night than I had ever before. Now, why is that? It could be because I was with two males, but that’s not it. Even though I don’t like what I see–I must be honest and say that I’m not quite as fascinated as you are–I’m not as frightened of the population and the diverse dress and display of opinions. That’s one step. I’ll grow to be fascinated, eh? No, that’s you. I sometimes WISH I had the capacity to see people that way–I think perhaps I do, it just takes time for one to get past the nose rings and shaved heads. It’s hard to remember that, eye, God did make them, and they need to be treated as such. And it’s hard to put that into action. HOWEVER, when the first step is taken, it feels so good!

    August 8, 1994: A SPIRITUAL FRIEND

    Many, many months ago I asked God for a spiritual friend, someone with whom I could share Him and my thoughts for Him and love for Him. That same day, you called. He has definitely kept us together for a very wonderful reason.

    August 9, 1994: FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN

    Why do some people accept that some things cannot be explained–like God–and believe on faith, and why do some people need to know and understand everything or else they will proceed to reject the mere possibility? Perhaps it’s fear of the unknown? I’m on the team that believes that there are some things that cannot be explained.

    August 11, 1994: SATAN SUBTLY GROWING

    “D” at Bible Study saw me and came around the table and gave me a hug and told me that she’d like to listen if I would like to talk. But you know what, Dom? I had everything to say but I didn’t know how to say it! And I didn’t think it was worth her time–to which she replied that that was Satan subtly growing on me. And it dawned on me that that is why sometimes I couldn’t talk to YOU. I thought I didn’t know how to say it, and I though you didn’t really want to know. I don’t ever want to short-change our friendship.



    August 23, 1994: WHAT WOULD HELL BE FOR YOU?

    Do you still love “J”, Dom? Life can be so beautiful with a woman, you know…

    I’ve detected a guard around your heart that prevents you from giving it away. Why is that? Or perhaps I’VE only experienced this–you tell me almost everything, Dominic, and some of the things I don’t need to hear. Yet all of that is talk. While I appreciate it, as I’m sure the other people you tell things to do as well, action is another matter, and more important, I think. I could say, ‘I love you,’ all of the time, but if I didn’t SHOW you–i.e., talking on the phone for three hours, driving you home in the middle of the night, writing you letters to make you feel special–you wouldn’t believe me. It’s called sacrifice.

    Hell, for me, will be piles and piles of food surrounding me and enticing me to gorge myself. What would Hell be for you, Dominic?

    August 31, 1994: STILL ON YOUR MIND

    Hmm…I’m not sure how to react to your jokes–your passing references to homosexuality. It obviously means it’s still on your mind. Whether it has become a painful thought (so that the only way you can talk about it is through joking) or if it’s something that you’re comfortable joking about in a casual way, I’m not going to press you for a decision on whether you are homosexual or not. However, since you let me into your confidence, when you DO come to some sort of conclusion, let me know, because I’m thinking of you and praying for you! My view still stands and always will.


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