Epilogue . . .

This post is in process.  This song, “Altar Boy,” is one I wrote somewhere between 2000 and 2004 (I remember I wrote it when I was teaching at a Catholic school and the letters from my mother were still coming).  I may or may not have performed this at one of our Cafe Nights (Friday night band nights).   I may or may not have gotten in a little trouble.  It’s a tad angry.  But that’s not where I am now, so that’s why this is a post in process . . .

ALTAR BOY

Verse 1

I’ve got a cigarette lit and I want to puff it,

Then all I want to do is fucking snuff it.

I know that death is not true liberty,

But the difficult truth that you refuse to see

is that altar boys don’t grow on trees;

I just can’t drop down to my knees.

Saints and martyrs ain’t for me.

Saints and martyrs ain’t for me.

Chorus

I’ve got a thorn in my side

and I just can’t pluck it.

The only thing that I can say

is “Deal with it or fuck it.”

Verse 2

I’ve got a pill in my mouth and I want to swallow,

‘Cause all you ever wanted me to do is follow.

I know that death is not true liberty,

But the difficult truth that you refuse to see

is that sons aren’t sheep and love ain’t cheep.                             

The love you sow is the love you reap.

Bleating, repeating ain’t for me.

Bleating, repeating ain’t for me.

Verse 3

You say I’m standing

between loneliness and heaven,

But that a cross and beads said on my knees

And all will be forgiven.

Well, the more I think of jumping,

the more I think of living.

If loneliness means liberty,

I’ll make a heaven of this hell.

One thought on “Epilogue . . .

  1. Though there is so much to say, what can be said? I suppose this blog might be cathartic, or it might be a cry for understanding, or it might just be a scream of frustration. I don’t often offer advice where it has not been sought, but I suggest that life is what it is…just a path toward self realization…a journey that we can take or leave. God loves us whatever path we take because He knows that in the length of eternity we will all make our way back to Him. This is a learning experience. Look for the lessons, revel in the complexity of it all. Give thanks for the opportunities presented and the lessons learned. Some that I have learned: Giving is receiving; forgiveness comes before reconciliation; gratitude engenders richness; if ever, why not now?; what you resist persists; “all these things that I do, you too shall do and more”; I am the one looking out from my eyes – I am not the eyes; when you give, do not attach strings, just let it go; have a spiritual path and keep growing, but do not let others tell you what to do or how to do it; struggle makes the lessons, once learned, more deeply felt and certain; use “choose” rather than “want” – “want” denotes a lack and is a negative attitude – “choose” is a positive attitude and denotes moving forward or toward the object – “choose” is an attitude of fullness – “want” is an attitude of poverty; you created it, stop fighting it, go with it, do the best job you can, learn as much as you can from it; I don’t know how to act phoney, what you see is what you get.

    Many of these are old men’s lessons, learned after battles fought. War is an old men’s game.

    Like

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