I just received you first (out of many, you say?) letters.
No dice, buddy. Uh uh. There’s no way in hell I am going to lose you, my best friend whom I love so very much. There’s no way that I’m going to lose you to the devil. Sorry. That’s just not going to happen. You’ve got one feisty little chick over here in Seattle. Satan’s gonna have to do battle. Ok?
And you better believe that it’s Satan, Dominic, because it is. It really is. You’ve done so much for God with your life—high school, your friends, family, the way you treat other people. Satan knows that you’d be a powerful ally to God if/when you decide to give yourself fully to His blessed love.
First, I am going to tell you what I did today and yesterday. Dominic, I spent the night at my grandmother’s house in Port Orchard. There’s one thing you and I are going to do when you get back for Christmas: I’m going to personally take you to visit her. You’ll love her. And I’ve told her so much about you, Dom. I told her that you thought you were homosexual, and I had good reason. If there’s ever a time that I get depressed, confused, or whatever, I call her up. She loves God like you would ever dream of loving and trusting in Him. I told her about our conversation, and about what I said and advised you to do (of which she was 100% in support), and she vehemently warned me, “Oooooh, ‘M’! Don’t you dare, don’t you dare lose him to the devil! Uh uh! Fight him all the way. Oh, no. Don’t let him go!” And that’s what I intend to do. How, I don’t as yet know. Because I don’t want you to think I’m fanatic about this.
Because I believe this is a very serious, very real situation. I hope you do, too, Dom, in the same way! If you don’t–if you don’t believe that Satan is pulling your heart strings, well, my friend, he’s already won…
You’re confused, so you told me, so I heard, so I gathered from our conversation. I’m going to say what I said before, then: You are a very emotional young man—you love to experience emotion. The Wilde blurb fits you to a tee, my dear friend, and that’s the key: too much emotion is dangerous! Dangerous, because it draws you away from God, so that God no longer is #1. Your emotions become your top priority.
Before I go on, though, I want to ask you this again: Do you believe in God, as a personal being who loves you very much? Do you believe in Jesus Christ who died on the cross for you to save your soul from eternal damnation (and it exists!)? Do you believe in the Holy Spirit, the breath of God that grants us peace and joy?
Dom, I’m not going to pray that you’ll “go straight,” because I don’t believe you ever went “crooked.” I’m not saying this out of an unwillingness to admit anything, either. The feelings you experienced for Gary were very human. I’m not going to downplay them and say that you were imagining them. I’m looking at your words for what they’re worth—you needed to write them, and I’m so glad I was here to receive them! I’m so glad you’ve accepted me as your friend. God brought you and me together, do you believe that? Please tell me…
You need to look back on what you’ve grown up with: the faith that has been your foundation for the 21 years of your life. With one change: the perspective…
The world, the Honors Program, your indulged emotions—all these tell you that it’s good to “keep an open mind,” to experience everything to its fullest. Carpe diem. Well, guess what, Dom? Carpe diem sucks. It’s crap. No, it can be, if the day isn’t seized for the glory of God. God first, my friend, then your will and intellect, then your emotions last.
The Honors Program at Seattle University opened up a whole new world for me of literature, philosophy, history, art. I learned that there were “more things in Heaven and Earth” than were “dreamt of in [my] philosophy.”
Do you want to continue being selfish and to feed yourself on your emotions in a state of confusion? Or will you replace yourself for/with God, selflessly and humbly? Right now, you have been doing the former, and that’s wrong and that’s a sin, my boy. Yes, it is. Commandment #1 is not a suggestion— in a state of confusion? Or will you replace yourself for/with God, selflessly and humbly? Right now, you have been doing the former, and that’s wrong and that’s a sin, my boy. Yes, it is. Commandment #1 is not a suggestion—you are no god. Off to confession, and please write and tell me why you didn’t go, if you decide not to. I’d certainly like to hear your excuse.
Oh, Dominic. Your letter made sense to me, be reassured. I only wish, sometimes, that I could be there with you…I agree with your friend that God gave you this experience–the feelings are not futile. The feelings are the reason. You can use this attraction for a purpose–a renewed knowledge that Satan’s power is a reality. However, your feelings not being futile does not mean they are right. If you don’t believe you’ve sinned, and if you don’t believe you’ve fallen into the trap of the New Age way of thinking, then stop reading… But your willingness to ‘glance’ at II Peter and James showed me that you want to get rid of this confusion with God’s help. (I already advised you to see Fr. Roach, and I recommend it again.) Our prayers exchanged and offered together over the phone are another reason.
My friend, I love you and you got me. To be honest, I thought I was in love with you at one point. But what did I know about that? I, who’d never had a kiss (gasp!). But I’m not going to be your savior—there’s only one guy for that. All I can do is give you love and encouragement and a few slaps now and then when you get nonsensical.
My good college friend “M” giving me the basics: on my birthday, but also in this letter.
Sometimes you piss me off. And sometimes you make me laugh. I love your laugh. I love you. Write soon.